Disagreements about money are one of the most common marriage problems couples face. Almost a third of adults with partners in the United States reported money as a source of conflict in their relationships. Marriage can offer wonderful benefits for well-being, life satisfaction, and stress management, but no relationship is without its challenges. The common problems of marriage can put a strain on a couple, but there’s a choice in how to handle these issues.
- You came to a point where you had enough and told your spouse to seek treatment, or else the marriage could not continue.
- The time alone gave me space to do my own soul work and attend to my own life.
- Sobriety isn’t a magic answer to all your problems – it only offers you the opportunity to stop making things worse.
- Sarah Allen Benton, M.S., LMHC., LPC, is a licensed mental health counselor and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic.
Your SUD recovery may benefit from the social support and closeness, too. This cycle can be hard to break, but it is possible with the right recovery strategy for you and your partner. In addition, you can visit The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), a domestic violence prevention advocacy group with a list of resources for divorce after sobriety relationship abuse help. Without honest communication, both people can end up feeling misunderstood and mistreated, she adds. As the lines between real and fake blur, Americans increasingly chase the idea of authenticity. The first step may be to consider self-knowledge, truthfulness, and other building blocks on the road to personal growth.
Living with someone with a substance use disorder
I want to believe somehow that it won’t happen again. I want to know the unknowable.” Those are the answers I wish my wife had given when I asked her what more she wanted from me when I quit drinking. But she didn’t share that answer because she didn’t understand it, either. To Sheri, my commitment to sobriety was like promising not to pour gasoline on the charred remains of our house after it had already burned to the ground. Sometimes you don’t get to rebound from disaster. According to 2018 research, supportive relationships with family, spouses, and sponsors help those working toward sobriety sustain their recovery.
We did this tightrope walk through two extended stretches of sobriety and two big relapses. If he was disappointed in me, he didn’t show it. He didn’t know how to support me, which is what made his support so helpful. I had to be honest about what I needed, and he did his best to provide it.
Marriage After Sobriety: What to Expect
They offer absurdly named “Night Brunches” for those who want to keep the party going. Being able to confront the hurt and anger does not mean your marriage is over. In fact, once these issues are addressed and worked through, you may be able to create a new marriage.
- In the first few months, the novelty of a new country and life was enough to keep my drinking a mostly social endeavor, albeit a reckless one.
- Spouses will likely experience moments that will have them wondering how their marriage can survive sobriety.
- The decision to pursue sobriety is major and life-changing, both for the addict and for the spouse.
- Research shows that quality time often improves the well-being of a relationship.
- We offer treatment for chemical dependencies such as cocaine addiction, drug addiction and alcoholism.
Codependency can also cause the non-addicted partner to unwittingly enable unhealthy behaviors, which may encourage substance use and addiction. But the stress that comes along with constant arguing can become a trigger for the person living with SUD to use drugs or alcohol. Recovery from substance use disorder can cause many changes in your marriage — not all of them positive. The first week of sobriety is often the most difficult. You may experience withdrawal symptoms that last for a few days or weeks.
How to leave a partner living with addiction
By the third or fourth drink, we’d settle into a rhythm. I’d have to chug half a bottle of hard cider and chain smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I could feel like a person again. Someone who’s stress levels weren’t spiked by chaos, culture clashes, and kamikaze drivers. It was the most emotionally challenging thing I’d ever taken on and it sucked the life out of me.
Was a sober Bill, a man with a very different personality? Those questions haunted me for a long time as Bill struggled to reconnect with his emotions. The antidepressant played havoc on his mind and body.
There was a limit to his vulnerability though he longed for mine. I experienced it as his fear that I would not love him if I really knew him. This puzzled me as I had repeatedly been present to him. When it was triggered, which often occurred in his family relationships, he immediately withdrew.
If a couple has used the tools to grow a healthy relationship, they could find themselves in a thriving marriage. They have grown together, and together they have grown stronger. The marriage won’t look the same as it used to, back in the days of addiction, but that can be a good thing. The recovering addict must also be patient as his or her spouse works to rebuild trust. Trust is linked with intimacy, so understand that your spouse may need time to rebuild the sexual part of your marriage as well. Being patient will be key in getting your marriage back on track, whether you’re living with an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery or you are an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery.